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Gruntworks Military Humor

Gruntworks Media’s 10 Dumbest Fucking Things the U.S. Military Ever Did – #7 The Davy Crockett, a Pocket Nuclear Disaster Rocket

The Army needed a nuke of its own or else it was in danger of losing its place in the national defense plan to the Navy and the newly-created US Air Force.

Iron Mike – Gruntworks Resident Millennial who wasn’t even a sperm stain on his mother’s leg during the Cold War

In the decade following the mass baking of Rice Krispies at Hiroshima and Nagasaki; the “Nuclear Triad” of Ballistic Missile Submarines, Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, and Strategic Bombers designed to defeat the Soviet threat of nuclear Holocaust was missing an essential element: The US Army. Naturally, the Army started thinking with its budget since the ‘strategic planners’ of the day were wondering if wars of the future would even involve ground maneuver units at all. If that were the case and the Army had no nuclear delivery capacity of their own, what would happen to all their money? The Army needed a nuke of its own or else it was in danger of losing its place in the national defense plan to the Navy and the newly-created US Air Force. 10 Dumb Things - 7-1

Enter, the M-28 (120mm) and M-29 (155mm) “Davy Crockett” – a nuclear recoilless rifle that could launch an M-388 .01 (or .02) Kiloton Nuclear warhead up to 2.5 miles. The problem was… it only launched a nuclear fucking warhead a maximum of 2.5 miles! Keep in mind this thing would also be fired from behind the forward line of troops, so there would be even less distance between the front line and the blast area.

The max range of the “Crockett” was the distance the average soldier can run in 20 minutes. Now, a nuclear blast equivalent to 10 (or 20 – depending on the warhead) tons of TNT detonating the length of one lap around Daytona Motor Speedway from you is enough of a problem; but the added effect of being directly in your own nuke’s fallout zone is another one entirely.

 

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No matter how large (or small, relatively speaking) a nuclear explosion is, it generates deadly radioactive particles called “Fallout”. This is a mixture of radioactive atoms generated by the fission of unstable elements like Uranium or Plutonium, debris tainted by radiation from the splitting of those atoms, and unreacted fissile material that had vaporized and now hangs as a fine dust in the air. The M-388 warhead had been determined to have a blast radius of around 400 meters, but what it left behind was even worse… That same 400m area would then be tainted with a ‘probably lethal’ dosage of radiation and at its center have an ‘instantly lethal’ radiation level within around 500 feet of the impact site. Oh, and one more thing; that giant cloud of radioactive particles that this botched abortion of mad science generated? That could come blowing back in your face within around two minutes in a moderate wind, so you could enjoy all those delicious Roentgens of radiation without ever leaving your position! Now remember that it would take the average soldier 20 minutes to run the distance this fallout pattern could cover in 2. We haven’t even gotten to the stupidest part of this either. The doctrine for the use of this weapon? It included firing it in support of breaching operations; meaning that the plan was to march US Soldiers either close to, or even STRAIGHT THROUGH the nuclear wasteland this fucker created in front of them to penetrate and enemy defensive line. How did the US Army propose to employ protective measures to keep America’s sons safe from their own Nuke? Uh… Well… Uh… Just hide in a ditch or something and try not to look at it too much. They didn’t even give guys protective masks when this thing went off. You think I’m kidding? Go ahead and watch this Test Footage. Thank sweet baby Jesus the 2,100 of these stupid fuckers the Army fielded were never fired with a live nuke outside a few tests and got retired in 1971 without ever seeing action.

Absolute military-grade stupidity for the Nuclear Age.

Want to see previous fuck-ups?  Start with #8 here.

 

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2 comments on “Gruntworks Media’s 10 Dumbest Fucking Things the U.S. Military Ever Did – #7 The Davy Crockett, a Pocket Nuclear Disaster Rocket

  1. 173dVietVet

    Don’t know where you find these “jewels”….

    Keep slinging them onward !

    (Don’t forget the one about allowing females to enter both Ranger School and SF Assessment/Course)

    • SGT P - Editor In Chief

      Check out #6 – just posted. Even the Ranger Community has idiots in it.

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