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Tales From The Woobie – Chapter 5: Drug Smuggling Dependa

It later comes out that his wife had been arrested crossing the border from Mexico to Texas. Why? Good, I’m glad you asked.

Remember how I said Fort Hood was a big big shit show? Yeah. Well, this comes from Kuwait! We had just deployed from Fort Hood. Go figure. It was 2010. We had a kid there named Travis Young. This guy thought he fucking knew everything. Literally everything. Absolutely thought he was hot shit, but didn’t know a fucking thing about anything. Constantly in trouble, constantly being smoked (yes, different time back in 2009).

Young was the one guy who fucked up so bad he ended up having to take full water jugs, 2 at a time, around to every gun on the firing point until they were empty, then he had to fill them up again. Why? Because he smarted off to the wrong one. Granted you can’t do that anymore because it’s “hazing” but whatever. Different times.

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Anyway, it’s August 2010. We just got into Kuwait and are prepping to move into Iraq. One night before the platoons started heading in, Young was summoned over to the 1SG. I’ll get into more about the 1SG later on. Boy was he a fucking trip. Different 1SG from the Dick Blower story too.

Anyway. Young goes over and all we hear is his wife has been arrested. His face goes from regular Caucasian color skin to pasty white. He has no fucking clue what to do.

Let’s Tarantino this real quick. This guy met his wife while on leave before we deployed, got hitched, and even brought her to the Battery. Hey, I’ll call it like I see it. She was a looker. But have you ever seen those women who you just take that one look at and can automatically tell are going to grab hold of the first thing they see and shove it inside them when they’re husband is gone? Yeah, she was the one.

Fast forwarding past Kuwait and into Iraq while his wife is on probation I believe, or under house arrest, I can’t recall. They are on a Skype call…Young’s very close neighbor through paper thin walls could hear it all. His neighbor came over to the rest of our little group and told us what he heard on the one way conversation.

Verbatim this is what Young said: you did what? I can’t fucking believe you sucked his dick. Well, did you have that ring on? YOU DID?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Like bro, be mad she was blowing some rando while you’re in Iraq. Don’t be mad she did it with the ring on. Dumbass. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish that on anybody. But man, it couldn’t have happened to a better guy. 😉

Anywho, rewinding back to Kuwait 2010. Young’s face turns pasty white. Like a ghost almost. It later comes out that his wife had been arrested crossing the border from Mexico to Texas. Why? Good, I’m glad you asked.

She was smuggling a metric fuck ton of weed packed in her tires into the states. That’s right she was a DSD, a Drug Smuggling Dependa!!!!!

I know we have seen some crazy shit but what goes through your mind when you decide to do that? This bitch wasn’t even of legal drinking age!!!! What made her decide to go smuggle weed across the border? Ridiculous. So, that whole thing happened. And we came home from Iraq, Young got out of the military, and never divorced the Drug Smuggling Dependa.

Until next time.

Inappropriately Yours,

The Ball Pit


Active Duty Army Artilleryman; avid Clash of Clans player; husband who thoroughly disgruntled his wife; creator/host of The Ball Pit on Facebook and YouTube; blog writer for Gruntworks; Twitter - @theball_pit; Instagram - @theballpit1; Facebook - @theballpit1; YouTube - Subscribe to the channel, like and follow on all the social media platforms above, and check out all of my blogs found here, and at Gruntworks!

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