Gruntworks Military Humor

TALES FROM THE WOOBIE – Chapter 4: The Magical Ice Pop

This twit ate an ice pop and said it helped. That piece of shit left the rest of us out there so he could get in the AC and not do any work.

Fort Hood, TX – 2014. Remember when I said it was a big year? Yeah, this is another one.

If you remember last time I wrote for you, during this time at Fort Hood in the great 3CR… but we were on that silly prepare to deploy mission. So, this came from the summer that year. Another hot day. Big summer guys. We were out doing squad lanes; because we were using infantry tactics for the mission we were allegedly going on; and we finally get close to the objective. Once we reach our OP, we set up to get our defense diagrams set and get our security set.

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There was this one guy. This rat face named Anderson. Ron fucking Anderson. For a future story, he filed a sharp complaint because he was nothing but a giant little bitch about it. Anyway! This guy is the kind of Soldier; and I use that term incredibly loosely; who would drink Monster 10 times a day, every day. Even in the dead heat of a Texas summer, no water, just Monster. Now I know, the whole “hydrate or die” thing gets played out. But seriously. This guy would do anything to get out of everything. He was by far top 5 one of the wort people on the planet.

Ron Anderson; on this day; decided he didn’t want to continue with the missions. So after numerous attempts to get out of hard work and earning his money…he decided it was time to down a Monster and go down for the count. This fucker went down faster than Connor McGregor in his last UFC fight.

The medics checked him out, said he was dehydrated. Go figure. So, to cut the nonsense out, he was sent to the ER. He was admitted, checked out, and said he still wasn’t feeling well. Now, all the while, we were all still sweating our asses off, getting eaten alive by the bugs that wonderful Texas nature had to offer.

Tales from the Woobie - Ice PopFinally, after we got back, our Gunny, Gunny Z, told us what happened at the hospital. Apparently the nurses and staff didn’t believe Anderson either. So one of them had a great idea. She came back with something and said “Here you go. This will make you feel better. It’s a hydration pop. It’ll help with the dehydration and get you back up to 100%.” He took it, ate it, and said he felt better. Once he did that the nurse said “Yeah, no. I’m calling your chain of command. That was an ice pop. You’re fine.”

This twit ate an ice pop and said it helped. That piece of shit left the rest of us out there so he could get in the AC and not do any work. Then this cat had the nerve to ask why he wasn’t going to the board. Sorry you’re a sorry sack of shit who spent most of your time in the guard and then couldn’t hack it on active duty. Total active duty time? 10 years.

This turd later was busted down for lying to a non commissioned officer, demoted to PFC, and chaptered out faster than a 1st round KO!

Until next time.

Inappropriately Yours,

The Ball Pit


Active Duty Army Artilleryman; avid Clash of Clans player; husband who thoroughly disgruntled his wife; creator/host of The Ball Pit on Facebook and YouTube; blog writer for Gruntworks; Twitter - @theball_pit; Instagram - @theballpit1; Facebook - @theballpit1; YouTube - Subscribe to the channel, like and follow on all the social media platforms above, and check out all of my blogs found here, and at Gruntworks!

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