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Military Humor

Tales From The Woobie – Chapter 2: The Real McCoy

Apparently in the night, McCoy continuously wet himself and was falling asleep in it.

You ever have those Soldiers where you think, “what did I possibly do to deserve this?” This is the story about one of those guys.  As Non-Commissioned Officers, we all have come across some real winners throughout our collective time in the military. We have talked about, made fun of, and just reminisced on all the hilarity that ensued because of these individuals. They truly made some of the shittiest times (even though it was shitty because of them) really great. That is, of course, looking back.

Down at Fort Hood, TX.

This was late 2009 if I’m not mistaken. As a regular Army unit, we would receive Soldiers on a regular basis…as regular as that would be for the Army; never when we needed them. We received a 13D (now 13J). An FDC (Fire Direction Center) Soldier. He was a young guy named McCoy…just like any other Soldier, or so we thought. He would do the required amount; just a regular guy trying to make it in these rough streets. He showed up on time, did what he was told, so on and so forth. After a while we started to notice things about him: He would randomly fall asleep…the second he sat down, he was out. He would even fall asleep standing up. This progressed and just got funnier and funnier as the NCO’s would trip out even more.

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Christmas block leave rolls around and everyone goes about their business. We come back in the new year and this guy doesn’t show. It turns out while we were all gone, he was arrested for allegedly raping his sister. Gross, right? So the unit clears out his room, turns in his gear and he’s gone. Or so we thought….

Several months pass and he randomly shows back up to the unit. I stopped and talked to him in the breezeway and he said it was a false claim and he was let go. Cool story, bro. You still weird me out. We go in and out of the field numerous times. The FDC chief says that there are things that turned up missing and he couldn’t find them. Tarps, nets, random stuff. One morning during room inspections I heard a loud and thunderous, “WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS?!” McCoy was sleeping in his bed, wrapped up in a tarp, and he had pissed all in it.

To keep you guys up to speed, not only was he charged with raping his sister and falling asleep at random, he is now a bed wetter. {This is where it gets good.} We ship out to NTC in 2010, May timeframe, I believe. I’m heading over to the unit AO to get some more MREs and I see a box of depends sitting on a cot. I ask one of my pals about it.Tales from the Woobie - Depends

Apparently in the night, McCoy continuously wet himself and was falling asleep in it. Not only that, after a couple days of doing it, HE STILL NEVER WASHED HIS FUCKING SLEEPING BAG! Someone got him a box of depends and left them as a gift to help him out. Everyone got a good chuckle out of it, even the Commander and 1SG. But then they ruined all the fun and had to do their jobs and stop it.

A few months later he was gone forever, not to be heard from again. This is the story of the real McCoy. Watch the episode here.

Inappropriately Yours,

‘The Ball Pit’

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Active Duty Army Artilleryman; avid Clash of Clans player; husband who thoroughly disgruntled his wife; creator/host of The Ball Pit on Facebook and YouTube; blog writer for Gruntworks; Twitter - @theball_pit; Instagram - @theballpit1; Facebook - @theballpit1; YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCikXVB14OJ_GA5xrV96KSfw Subscribe to the channel, like and follow on all the social media platforms above, and check out all of my blogs found here, and at Gruntworks!

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