Horseshoe around me…lets go.
1SG Moriarti is sicker than a fucking dog with the Man Flu, and is home right now drinking Hot Toddies and coughing up green lung oysters. So I decided to come down from the Head Shed and impart words of wisdom upon all of you ugly mouth breathers.
All of you, half right, face! DROP!
Stay there while I brief you on the do’s and dont’s of weekend etiquette.
First of all, this dependa shit has to stop. You don’t make enough to support yourselves on anything other than ramen, don’t try to feed a fat chick for life. Trust me, that shit is expensive. Secondly, don’t come in the CoF running your trap about about the threesome you had this weekend…trust me, next week that chick will be doing two lieutenants and a company commander to pay her rent. She was slumming this week and you were the last resort. Valentine’s Day may be coming up in a few days…but that doesn’t mean she loves you; she loves your allotment form.
Halfway down and sway from side to side!
Second: stay away from drugs. The way the Army is downsizing you can’t afford to make the slightest mistake.
And finally: Here at Gruntworks, we may care about your opinion, we may not care about your opinion…there is only one way to find out. Just don’t get butthurt if you find out that we don’t care because you approached us like a douchebag.
All the way up! All the way down! Halfway up! Hold it!
Ok! So, enjoy your weekend.
Don’t do drugs.
Don’t do dudes you have to cuddle with in the field, it makes combat awkward.
Don’t do dudes wives.
Don’t do dudes daughters.
Don’t do domestic violence.
Don’t fuck with the police. They have enough to worry about right now.
Don’t do fucking drugs.
Don’t drink and drive.
Don’t drink and do anything that feels good.
Don’t roll in anything less than fire teams.
Hydrate, hydrate, fucking hydrate!
SGT P has a piss test coming up and Schools is getting ready for a PT test.
Call your mothers!
That’s all I got. Platoon Sergeants, give them a good smoking, have them GI the CoF, get those counseling packets squared away, and let them loose.
CSM Dickie OUT!