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Gruntworks Military Humor Safety

Weekend Safety Brief 01DEC2017

Hell, Chop tried to draw a twat in the sky with his chopper – but it turned out looking like Rosie O’Donnell's hairy clam.  Fucking yuck.  My point is – the graffiti has gotten out of hand.  The Navy ruined it for you all with their giant dick pic, and SGT P made it worse by sending his Dick Pic to the BC’s daughter.

Holy shit.

I need a vacation from that vacation.  Between getting an airport cold (every goddamned time), being force fed enough food to supply a Somali village for a year, and having to listen to the bullshit spewed from the mouth of my hipster cousin Nathan and my racist uncle Ted, I am ready to retire to take up being a hermit in Belize – because they speak English there mainly – but for pharmaceutical reasons as well.  Eh – lucky for you sick fucks, I am not quite finished with the Army.

So, it looks like some of the shit I thought was past us has reared its ugly head again, and we have to remind you fucks that you must act right in public.  First and foremost – I have to be appreciative that none of you bastards fly any fast movers.  Hell, Chop tried to draw a twat in the sky with his chopper – but it turned out looking like Rosie O’Donnell’s hairy clam.  Fucking yuck.  My point is – the graffiti has gotten out of hand.  The Navy ruined it for you all with their giant dick pic, and SGT P made it worse by sending his Dick Pic to the BC’s daughter.

In related news, I thought you dumb fucks were finally over your infatuation with strippers and hookers.  Well, the shenanigans of Meach and Droz’s dog over the holiday tells me that is false.  I mean, we all love the ladies, especially the ones that are for rent.  BUT – how many times do I have to tell ya that Cinnamon’s 1979 singlewide is NOT where you want to park your 2018 Mustang that you are paying 28% interest on.  In 2 years that hot little body will be 300 pounds and she will have a litter of curtain climbers sucking down Kool-Aid and eating hot pockets while calling you “daddy”.  Together they will suck the life, money, and sanity out of you – all while she fucks the Jody that lives in the camper next door every time you leave for PT.  Just say no.

Anyway – This is a short weekend, so let’s keep you heathens out of the PMO, me off the Sergeant Major’s speed dial list, and your moms out of my bedroom.

Don’t Drink and Drive.

You can test drive or even rent Mercedes and Porsche – but don’t even think about taking out a lease or buying.  THEY DON’T LOVE YOU!

About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.

Don’t bet your dog or your wife.

Roll in fire teams.

PMCS your ride.

GTFO –

Platoon Sergeants, take charge of your troops.

 

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E. Michael Davis II, OMar, CPP, 1SG USA (Ret) served nearly 25 years in the United States Army as a Military Police Investigator. His work focused on Investigations, Anti/Counter-Terrorism Operations, Police Special Operations, Intelligence Operations and Force Protection with multiple Joint and Combined Commands. The impact of his work spanned the spectrum from tactical actions to strategic planning and engagement. In this capacity, he worked closely with nearly every security and law enforcement agency of the United States government, as well as dozens of police, security and intelligence agencies of friendly foreign governments. He experienced multiple combat tours in the Gulf War, Bosnia, Afghanistan, and three tours in Iraq. He is a recipient of two Bronze Stars and the Purple Heart amongst many other awards and honors. He earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Military History, Graduate Certificate in Terrorism Studies and Master’s Degree in Post 1945 Military History from the American Military University – all with honors. He is still active in the anti/counter-terrorism community as well as a freelance author, historian and blogger.

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