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Gruntworks Military Humor Safety

Weekend Safety Brief 2JUN17

All right, you heathens – gather up.

Meach, go get me some baby-wipes; Taco Tuesday is still killing me today. Let that be a warning to you guys – the Tacos in those strip joints are not good for you. (see what I did there?)

Well, apparently between the ongoing fuck-fuck games with Kim IL Yum-Yum, the Syrian mess and the perpetual war in Afghanistan, we have job security for the near future. That being said, some of you dunderheads need to start taking advantage of that tuition assistance and cheap-as-free CLEP tests. (No, not CLAP tests, SGT P – but I know that you and Beau both need one.) I am tellin’ ya – If you don’t get some education or a skill while you are in, you are gonna feel like Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. You will be wasting 4 years sitting in a classroom with a bunch of snowflakes that hate you. Might as well do it now – because other than on Veteran’s Day, that CIB and $4.50 will get you a mocca-frappa-rainbow-unicorn-machiogofuckyourself cup of coffee.

I just wish they would send us somewhere awesome like the Philippines. My understanding is that the R&R time there is banging. I mean that new President-for-life Duterte seems to have the right idea about the way shit should go down…including Monica! But, no – we gotta fight wars in the most dried up, arid, no pussy gettin’, no alcohol having, shitholes that the world has to offer – unless you are in the command staff that is. Speaking of which, any of you fidget spinners see that new movie with Brad Pitt – The War Machine? What did you guys think of that?

OK, I gotta cut this short – cuz Montezuma is having his revenge on my guts right now, and it sounds like a horse pissing when I take a shit. That and I gotta get to the movie to see that Gal Gadot flick…some comic book nerd fest reel. I really don’t care about the movie. I just love those IDF chicks. Man I wish the broads in our Army looked like that!

Don’t do illegal drugs – That MP K9 is faster than Droz’s Heeler!

Don’t beat your wife, don’t beat your meat in public, and stay away from those stripper tacos!

Don’t drink and drive. Call Uber you dumb drunk fucks.

Roll in fireteams and keep your head on a swivel. Speaking of which – if you are gonna play knight in shining armor, you better win the fucking fight.

MEACH!! Where the fuck are you with those baby wipes!?

See you degenerates at PT Monday. Now beat it.

Platoon Sergeants, take charge of your Platoons.

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E. Michael Davis II, OMar, CPP, 1SG USA (Ret) served nearly 25 years in the United States Army as a Military Police Investigator. His work focused on Investigations, Anti/Counter-Terrorism Operations, Police Special Operations, Intelligence Operations and Force Protection with multiple Joint and Combined Commands. The impact of his work spanned the spectrum from tactical actions to strategic planning and engagement. In this capacity, he worked closely with nearly every security and law enforcement agency of the United States government, as well as dozens of police, security and intelligence agencies of friendly foreign governments. He experienced multiple combat tours in the Gulf War, Bosnia, Afghanistan, and three tours in Iraq. He is a recipient of two Bronze Stars and the Purple Heart amongst many other awards and honors. He earned a Bachelor's Degree in Military History, Graduate Certificate in Terrorism Studies and Master's Degree in Post 1945 Military History from the American Military University - all with honors. He is still active in the anti/counter-terrorism community as well as a freelance author, historian and blogger.

2 comments on “Weekend Safety Brief 2JUN17

  1. You love those hot IDF chicks you say…here ya go, fill your boots. https://www.instagram.com/hotisraeliarmygirls/

  2. David F

    Many thanks 1SGT, does this ole Grunts heart good to read em.
    I got no real problem with the Pitt movie. Didn’t put the military in a bad light. Made the upper command look like idiots though, but that’s about par.
    I vaguely recall the incident happening.
    Again, thanks for the memories.
    Black7 out, III%, Redcon2

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