Gruntworks Military Humor Safety

Weekend Safety Brief 4/21/2017

Holy little baby Jesus! You fuckers horseshoe up.

Meach, seriously…what the fuck are you doing with a Unicorn Frap? Throw that shit away and do burpees – time now, GO!

I have spent my first week here dealing with the MPs and CID about a group of you guys trying to offset Tony Montana as king Coca Cowboy, I don’t know exactly what the responsible idiots were thinking – but dealing blow out of the barracks is NOT a good idea. Also, I know some of you probably celebrated 4/20 yesterday, but until the DoD says it’s OK, you are still verboten while on the active rolls.

The CinC is having SecDef (GEN) Mattis rattle his saber from Alepo to Panmunjom and all places in between – and the Islamic State is steadily trying to gas our bros in Iraq. So keep your A and B bags packed and your kit ready.

Speaking of being ready, where is Chop? Fucking Warrants always disappearing on me…

Meanwhile Stickman got thrown in jail for smashing AntiFa fools in what was perhaps the most glorious route of communists since Mao’s Long March in 1934/35. That bassassery inspired SGT P to try to start shit with leftists out in Houston – to no avail. Any of you joes on active duty get caught doing that shit, and next thing you know fucking CID is back here…so don’t. You veterans….well, you are free to do as you please, but you might want to check out your local laws first.

Keep your head on a swivel out there this weekend. There was another Falafel-Snakbar shooting in Cali, and these radicalized fucks are all over.

Roll in fireteams.Product Block - Frosty

Don’t start shit that you can’t finish.

Stay away from those strippers… they only love SGT P.

If you are gonna drink, don’t drive…and vice versa.

Don’t do OR SELL drugs.

If you are gonna fuck, make sure she is a she (I’m lookin’ at YOU Meach) and use a condom.

Don’t beat your buddies wife…or something like that…

And be ready for a 100% piss test Monday morning – the CO thinks you are all cokeheads now.

Meach recover and go find CSM Dickie, he has some words of wisdom for you while you wash all the vehicles in the motorpool.

The rest of you beat it before I change my mind and keep you late.

Platoon Sergeants, take charge of your Platoons.


E. Michael Davis II, OMar, CPP, 1SG USA (Ret) served nearly 25 years in the United States Army as a Military Police Investigator. His work focused on Investigations, Anti/Counter-Terrorism Operations, Police Special Operations, Intelligence Operations and Force Protection with multiple Joint and Combined Commands. The impact of his work spanned the spectrum from tactical actions to strategic planning and engagement. In this capacity, he worked closely with nearly every security and law enforcement agency of the United States government, as well as dozens of police, security and intelligence agencies of friendly foreign governments. He experienced multiple combat tours in the Gulf War, Bosnia, Afghanistan, and three tours in Iraq. He is a recipient of two Bronze Stars and the Purple Heart amongst many other awards and honors. He earned a Bachelor's Degree in Military History, Graduate Certificate in Terrorism Studies and Master's Degree in Post 1945 Military History from the American Military University - all with honors. He is still active in the anti/counter-terrorism community as well as a freelance author, historian and blogger.

1 comment on “Weekend Safety Brief 4/21/2017

  1. Gawd after being out twenty years I miss this shit

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