Alright you heathens – you get a three day on which to Remember that Jesus died for your pathetic sinful souls and then rose from the dead to prove he was a badass. But before you get to hunt for gaily colored symbols of pagan fertility left by some freakish joke of nature in the guise of an egg laying rabbit, and attend church for one of the three times that you actually show up for a in year – we get to have a safety brief.
Meach – put down the peeps and beat your face.
It looks like Vlad and the CinC have sorted their shit out – Although that Spicer guy is more fun to watch than the episodes of COPS featuring SGT P, and just as unpredictable.
It seems that the ChiComs have stepped up to the plate and told Kim Yum-Yum Fatboy to calm the fuck down or he wouldn’t need to worry about American Tomahawks, because a billion rice grinding fucks with AKs would solve the problem instead. Even then, that one man famine machine is still threatening to nuke us – although I don’t think anyone is putting much credence into that tubby fucker’s barking.
If you are traveling, try to drive, or at least avoid flying on United. In any case, if the cops tell you to unass a seat – do it. You don’t want to get skull dragged down the middle of the aircraft like a certain doctor – and no you won’t get any VA percentage for the concussion that you might suffer.
Ok – remember to keep it manageable on that thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning. If the Padre tells me about anyone puking on his new Easter robes, I will personally drown your ass in the holy water.
Roll in fireteams.
If you are gonna drink, don’t drive.
If you are gonna fuck, get permission and wear a rubber.
Stay away from the MPs this weekend – they love fucking up a holiday and putting grunts on the blotter.
Don’t beat your wife – unless she is into that kinky shit.
And Chop – you and the new Zoomie officer stay the hell out of the strip clubs. You know those strippers don’t love you – but these new joes keep marrying those dependas in waiting. You are setting a bad example.
Meach – recover and go see the Padre for confession.
Platoon Sergeants – take charge of your troops.